#21: Trademark Yourself

As you know, you are a special human being who’s brief but dazzling existence on this planet will alter the course of history, or at least the net sales of your local Jack in a Box.

Being YOUnique is one of your best assets. Only YOU have your experiences, your values, your wisdom and your special brand of emotional instability, and that means only YOU can succeed in your own special way!

To prepare for this success, though, you must be ready to defend it!

Stephanie Meyer, Nobel-Prize winning author of The Twilight Saga, probably felt she never needed to worry about someone copying her story about an impossibly handsome and boring man inexplicably falling in love with a dopey teenager. But then erotic fan fiction inspired by her works became the NEW Twilight and Stephanie Meyer realized, “Those vampires should have had more bondage fantasies!” Then she looked up what bondage was and God smote her.

The point is, you need to trademark that shit. And since you haven’t produced any steamy bodice- rippers lately, what you need to trademark is YOU!

Trademark yourself, or someone will write fan fiction based on you that’s even more poorly developed and terribly written than you, but which is still somehow more likeable.

(Please note that while I’m not a copyright lawyer, I have read the Constitution, so you can trust that all the below and above legal advice is practical and 100% legal.)

When you TademarkYourself™, you’ll find that your competitors suddenly can’t access or profit from your (trademarked) experiences, values, wisdom or neuroses. Because you are legally protected by a bald eagle with a hunting rifle and a cape made out of an American flag!

Of course, TrademarkYourself™ is not just a complicated legal process that may or may not help you evade income taxes — it is also an emotional journey, on which you will learn more about your special qualities and the ways they can be exploited for monetary gain.

TrademarkYourself™ because you are YOUnique!*

*TrademarkYourself™ does not require that you learn the keyboard shortcuts for the trademark symbol, registered trademark symbol or any other symbol. It is still ok to just search them on Google and copy/paste them into your document. TrademarkYourself™ is intended to be taken literally, except in the event of a lawsuit, in which case it is purely metaphorical.

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